I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
