You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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