The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
