You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
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