hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
