dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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