If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
