Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
