I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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