i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So much rum. So many feels.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
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