she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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