You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
