Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
