Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
