some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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