I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
