what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
