I'm gonna have a badass scar
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
