Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Four minutes until I can fart!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
