do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
