He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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