Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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