This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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