And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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