i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
