just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
