Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
