Swine flu. Run for my life!
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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