Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
