I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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