He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
