I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
