Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
