My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
