I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
