We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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