He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize