Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
