Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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