she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
