I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
