; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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