I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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