woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
