do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
