I don't think brook has ever known best
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
