Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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