a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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