Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
