My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
