It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
