I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
