Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Randomize
