Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Can I color on your dick again?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
