you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
