I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize