$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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