Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
