my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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