Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is wine microwaveable?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
