I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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