Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize