We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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