Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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