She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
