my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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