I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
